A while later Skimble told Rice that it was all a joke and Rice went into hysterics again. She vowed never to speak to Skimble.
We're a family that deals with extreme emotions extremely. Raised voices, slammed doors, declarations to never ever speak to another. These seldom last more than a day or two. The abrasion of everyday living erodes anger and soon things are back to normal sans apologies, sans forgiveness.
And so I expected this spat to blow over pretty quickly.
It didn't.
Three months later Skimble and Rice still weren't talking.
Six months.
Seven.
Eight.
It was at this point that the ice finally thawed. Nothing dramatic. Rice was microwaving a snack and asked Skimble if he wanted one too. Yes, he said.
And things were back to normal.
I was away at college at the time, so I didn't really experience the full impact of that Siberian ice. What did surprise me though was that it lasted that long. Eight months. It's not easy to get through eight months without saying a word to someone you live with. But Rice and Skimble did.
So how come it lasted this long? I think it has a lot to do with habit. Old habits are hard to break and new ones are hard to create. There's a popular theory (I don't know how accurate it is) that if you do something regularly for 21 days, by the 22nd day it becomes a habit.
It isn't easy not to talk to someone for 21 days - particularly if you've lived together all your lives. But in this case, there was some pretty fervid anger that fueled the determination not to talk to each other. Which lasted long enough to break a 20 year old habit and create a new one.
The new habit lasted more than 7 months. What sustained it? Not the anger. No, after the first few weeks the anger dissipated and good old ego was left holding the reins. Neither wanted to be the first to make an overture.
So here's my point. Strong emotions can break strong habits. But to sustain a shaky new habit? You need something as stupidly stubborn as pride.
4 comments:
ok REAL story.
rice was so pissed off with skimble that when a friend of his called she told her that he (skimble) didnt talk to whores.
8 months later, our neighbour who was in love with skimble came home to give him a lettr she had written declaring her love for him and trapped him in his bedroom and skimble came to rice for help and she magnanimously forgave him and decided to help:-) skimbles a cow
oh and when skmible and rice werent talking for 6 months because he didnt like her choice of bf, then skimble offered rice a microwaved snack, kebab, mmmmmm, and they made up.
sans apology, sans forgivemness
um yeah, I found the original email-
and IM
TALKING TO SKIMBLE!!!! and he thinks im too happy coz he is talking to me
.ill tell you how it happened. n told me day before yesterday that she
just realised she like skimble 2 days before that. so she went on coming over,
raving about skimble and telling me she wanted to tell him. so i told her to
tell him and the next eveing she knocked on his door. skimble knew what was
happening coz he had already kinda figured it out and so cunning fellow that
he is, when she said i have to tell you something hes like ' is it something
about my girlfriend?' and when shes like what? you have a girlfreind he says
didnt i tell you? anyway, she wrote him a letter telling him she loved him
and about how she couldnt sleep,couldnt eat and kept scribbling his name in
her book....same stuff she had told me....and he freaked out. anyway he told
her he thought it was a joke i had put her up to and poor thing came to me
with tears in her eyes. anyway i went to skimble and i told him it wasnt a
joke and hes likei know but make her go away so i said your finally talking
to me huh? and he was so despereate he was like yeah so i saved his ass and
told her i had just found out from a friend of his the day before that he
had a gf and was keeping it all hush hush. then later i told him that she
was mentally unstable and might cut herself again and then he begged me to
go to her house!! its quite sad actually...also quite funny coz he was
actually scared. and mama came up all scared and all wondering why they were
both in rohit's room with the door closed and said she was going to tell
them to open the day but i said id handle it....was too too funny....
hahahahaaha...dude i didnt see this till now...skimbles tooooo funny...is it about my gf i believe...haha...glad i wrote to you about it otherwise i would have forgotten...classic:-))
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