So Mum and I were talking about you the other day, Rice said, and we were talking about how you don't have any friends.
What do you mean? Of course, I have friends. I have lots of friends!
Yeah, but not old ones... Like no one you've been friends with since you were six.
Well, there's... M and D, Rice said. Yeah, those were the only two we could think of.
(Don't you hate it when your family discusses you? And then tells you about it?)
So ok, I have only two friends who cross the 15 year mark, but this is how it works: I have pretty basic criteria to filter in friends from the vast universe.
a) I need to like you
b) I need to think you're fun
Pretty standard, right? I'm sure everyone has something like this in place. Here's the thing not many people realize though - this is a dynamic set. People are constantly changing; people's ideas and likes and dislikes are always in a state of flux. So while the basic rules don't change, your definition of someone you like or of someone you think is fun is bound to change.
Think of that diagram as a snapshot in time. My friends are limited to people in context. By context I mean people who are currently in my life. People with whom I've had a meal, watched a movie, shared a joke, discussed a book recently.
Everyone else has a spot on Facebook.
The funny thing that that conversation with Rice made me realize is that for a lot of people, a friend is anyone who was ever in context. Rice is a classic example. It probably helps that her circle is fairly parochial - everyone seems to know everyone else. Still, plotting the number of her friends over time next to mine is like a tidal wave over a placid lake.
While there's steady input into both our systems, from my system there's considerable output as well. Think of a unplugged tub with a tap running. Rice's system has the plug firmly in place. At some point, that tub is going to overflow. She's going to be driven crazy by endless coffee dates, lunch dates, movie dates, haircut dates...Or maybe I'm just trying to justify being antisocial :)
3 comments:
Everyone goes through the same thing. It is impossible to remain perpetually intimate with everyone you ever make friends with, right?
So unless you actually stop liking all your "out-of-context" friends, it's not that Rice has more friends than you, it's just that your definition of "friend" is different.
It's not that your tub is empty, just that you're always swimming on the surface. :P
I think, with me it is the same. Though the two terms that would define my two overlapping circles would be different, my friends would still be a small overlap, and the number would always remain a low tide.
I think it works like that for most people... unless you are an extreme social magnet!
btw, rice has about 1 all time best friend, maybe three best friend(s) and 'friends friends'? not that many. maybe like 5 - 6.
its a jump from 2 but not that great...draw the diagram with suni:-)
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